 Digital Scrapbook Artisan Guild |
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Better Now
Photo Details
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hollyinjapan
Just Write Team Member
Registered: March 2010
Location: West Tokyo
Posts: 99
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Journaling:
Everyone says enjoy them while they're little. I'm sorry I didn't enjoy you more. Looking back I know how much I missed out on and I am sad that I wasn't a better mommy to you when you were both so small. But truth be told, it was just too much for me most days. I was fighting so many internal battles of my own that enjoying my two small babes was overwhelming. I felt so alone, almost like a single parent living in a country that I didn't understand, that was constantly watching me and you. I look back at pictures of you when you were little and I just want to cry. I want to jump into the photo and hold you so tight, tell you how much I love you. And make sure you know that even though I am crazy most days that I love you. I love you. I love you.
Things are better now - now that you are older and don't need me for every little thing. I have found some peace and balance. I still lose my perspective some days and fall into the old pattern of feeling like I have to be the perfect mother, that you two have to be the perfect children. But deep in my heart I know that we are okay. We are going to be okay, I hope and pray. I didn't love and respect you enough when you were so little. I'm sorry for that. But please know that I am still learning. I so deeply want to be a good mom to you. I am trying. I feel like I am getting better now.
Credits:
most papers and elements from Midsummer Night by ViVa Artistry
butterfly is from Into Indigo Scrapbook Pack by Quirky Twerp
background stamp is from Cluster Caper by Karen Lewis
photo mask is by Vera Lim
font used for title is The King Queen
font used for journaling is Aquarelle
As seen in the January 2012 Artisan Notebook. Thank you so much for looking!
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| · Date: Wed February 1, 2012 · Views: 184 ·
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Keywords: Better Now
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Author
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maggiebean
Registered Guest
Registered: April 2007
Posts: 87
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Wed February 1, 2012 2:31pm
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Spectacular. Your journaling is heartfelt, moving and relateable. As a military wife i can relate, it's hard being the only one there sometimes. Especially when they are younger, and I'm sure most of us parents can find things that we would do differently.
Thank you for sharing.
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