Do/did you celebrate your kids growing up or mourn it?

[MomtoEVE]

I know that this a strange question, but talking to friends and co-workers about my daughter turning 16 and getting her drivers license made me think about how differently I feel about my kids growing up compared to many of my friends. There seems to be many of my women friends who cry and really seem to mourn the passing of the years rather than celebrating the milestones. I even had some tell me this when I mentioned that Tori getting her license was a good point in my week of being really sick!

"I can't honestly say that I'll feel its a "good point" in my life when our time comes"

I have always been excited when the kids get to go to school and each new adventure they get because they are growing. I have always felt that the basis of parenting to to make my children strong, independent, confident adults and the best way I can think to do that is to embrace the growing up process. So I was wondering what others felt.

[Debb Cozzi]

This question is very relevant to me right now given that my oldest son just entered his first year of college. This is what I wrote about this topic in my blog recently:

This fall is seeing the Cozzi family entering into some new seasons of life. Alex is now a freshman in college. He is going to a small christian college in San Diego's east county. The college is just around the corner from my mom's house and Alex is now living with his Granny. Getting Alex ready for school and moving him down to mom's house was both much easier and much harder than I ever expected. The actual move went smoothly and except for a couple of tears shed by me when I asked him if he was going to be okay, it wasn't as emotional as I thought it would be.

However, the ongoing, daily missing of my boy is quite another thing! My heart pines for the sound of his voice, the delight of his laughter and even the obnoxious teasing of his little brothers. I miss sharing the news of the day with him. Nobody can get me going when it comes to politics like my Alex! And nobody can envelope me in that special sense of "Alex love" like my oldest son.

But, even with the missing I would be the most selfish mom in the world to want anything different for Alex than what he has now! God has been SO kind! Last year, in the midst of my grief for my grandma and the fear we experienced when Mario's job became a casualty of the banking crisis and he was laid off I couldn't begin to imagine how we would be able to help Alex achieve his dream of going to college. With the coming of spring those questions were slowly answered and God's faithfulness continued to be revealed. Mario found a new job, Alex was accepted at four different colleges and his first college of choice offered him not only a soccer scholarship but also an academic scholarship. So here he is, going to the christian school of his choice, playing soccer, living with granny, eating dinners at his Aunt Pooh's house, making new friends and experiencing all that is good when you are young and bright and eager to live out all that God is calling you to. What more could a mom possibly want? Praise God for his kindness and mercy!

And this is a layout about my middle son that addresses the same topic:

Journaling reads: And so.......another year of school begins. Your Kindergarten days have long since past. And now even your time at Light & Life has come to an end. This year you are a freshman in High School and a whole new world of possibilities lie before you. As always I'm both anxious and eager for what your future holds. You have such a heart for Christ and the opportunities set before you to share that love with others is immense. My prayer is that you will be a greater influence on the world than the world will influence you. Even though there are many new and exciting changes this year still some things stay the same. ..Mom still takes "first day of school photos", dad still makes your breakfast and packs your lunch, Millie still eagerly awaits your return each day and, most important of all, you are still & always held close in our hearts and enveloped in our love & prayers.

I guess to sum it up; I'm excited for my boys as they are growing into great young men, but I can't help but grieve the changes that makes in our family, and I do miss those little boy "grubby hugs." Does that make sense?

[Whisper Pink]

Now as I have reached the point where both of my DS's are grown and developing their own families and lives...I would have to say it is bittersweet!!! As my boys grew up, I was defineately excited for each new discovery and lesson that they learned, it is exciting to see how they are husbands and now my oldest a father of two girls. It is exciting to see how the way we raised our boys, that they have become fine young gentlemen that can handle the things the world has thrown at them with responsiblity and wise choices!!!

Do I wish I had my little boy back that liked to crawl up in my lap and start rocking in my lap and singing..."Rock a Baby" or the other little boy that brings in a dandilion with a proud smile and says, "this is for you Mom"... Yep I want them back, but in someways I do have them back, yeah the one doesn't crawl up in my lap to be rocked, but he calls me to say, "Hey, Mom I love you!!!" and the other one that gets up from his baseball game on the TV to give me a huge hug and kiss as I leave to go home after visiting my DGD's. And then I can't forget what else they have brought to my life since growing up, two amazing wonderful DIH's and two beautiful sweet DGD's!!!

So I would have to say, overall, them growing up and becoming the men they are, is such a blessing and I couldn't be prouder or happier for them!!! and the joys they have brought to my life as they have matured have totally outweighed the sweetness of those two darling little boys of yester year!!!

[Sandersmr]

I don't have a child of my own, but watching my niece grow up...

Yeah, it's very bittersweet. I miss the little girl that thought Aunt Maggie hung the moon, the little girl that would come running and jump in my arms - knowing that I would catch her and hug on her and love her.

But she's turning into a beautiful young lady and is so much fun to be around still. The interests are changing, she doesn't crawl up in my lap anymore - but we have fun together. And she makes a lovely traveling companion.

[MomtoEVE]

The times that hit me and make me cry are the concerts and plays for school. I agree with the bittersweetness but I have never yearned for them to be small again I just enjoy each new stage and age as it comes -- but Debb I am not so sure I will be able to be as strong as you when she leaves...but I sure hope I can be.

Thanks for your answers!

[Debb Cozzi]

Oh you will sweetie. You know how I know? 'Cause I know that your love for her will give you the strength to be the supportive, loving mom she will need you to be. Helping our babies out of the nest so they can soar is not always the easiest thing in the world.....but when you see them take wing....well...it is a BEAUTIFUL thing!!

[Whisper Pink]

Originally Posted by Debb Cozzi

Oh you will sweetie. You know how I know? 'Cause I know that your love for her will give you the strength to be the supportive, loving mom she will need you to be. Helping our babies out of the nest so they can soar is not always the easiest thing in the world.....but when you see them take wing....well...it is a BEAUTIFUL thing!!

Yes it is!!!

[Amy Eileen]

I cried reading this thread. lol I did! I am sitting here now with a lump in my throat! Watching Connor grow is 100% bittersweet for me. I love to watch him learn new things, take on new adventures and just grow into his own person but at the same time, I truly miss the chubby little fingers pulling my hair, breastfeeding him (crazy I know lol), watching him scoot his bum across the floor to me as he was learning to crawl. He just recently started losing his baby teeth and we celebrate every one that comes out, just like we celebrated everyone that came in. I think its fine to miss the days that have passed, its only normal, but we have to remember to celebrate the milestones, the memories, the everyday.

[Stacey Jewell Stahl]

I remember when Alannah was a baby thinking to myself, "I wonder what she'll look like when she gets hair?" She was so bald for so long! Now I look back at those pix and totally miss the toddler she was.

I do miss her being small enough to climb on my lap without being so gangly. I miss her funny expressions that she did when she was a "kid." For example, she often said, "down low" instead of "down." I'm so happy I've recorded these things on my scrapbook pages.

I tell her, "Alannah, when you are little you want to grow up and be older, and when you are old you want to be young again. Enjoy the moment you are right now because you will never be this age again." This is how I try to live with her too, enjoying the moment because it's fleeting. I try not to wish my life ahead or behind or do that to her.

She tells me now that she doesn't want to go to college or get married because she wants to always live with me. "Okay," I say. Why argue? Why tell her she'll change her mind?

I look back at photos from last year when all four of her front teeth were gone; her smile now has completely changed. The year before she had her baby teeth. In 24 months her face has completely changed! I cannot imagine her in 5 short years when she turns 13, just like I couldn't imagine her with hair when she was a baby. As much as I miss her younger moments, I look forward to watching her continue to grow. It's such an honor.

[codys]

I find it bittersweet as well. My oldest is turning 16 next week. At times I really miss the little boy he was and at times I really enjoy who he is now. My biggest fear for him right now is he is turning away from God and that really scares me for his future. At least he's still attending church and searching for answers- he's very philosophical.